Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Cool Kid

Roaring Moms don't play have favorites when it comes to their children. At least that's the official position right?

When my kids accused me of having favorites, I would answer, "You're right. My favorite is whichever kid is doing what I ask without complaining."

Yeah...I must admit I never saw that comment suggested in any parent book. After four kids, the filter doesn't always work.

So even though there is no favorite child, from time to time there is a coolest kid.

The coolest kid title doesn't really have any specific criteria. One time the coolest kid was the one who reported cyber bullying to the principal at the risk of social repercussions. The coolest kid was once the one who lettered in two varsity sports and made the honor roll, too. Once it was the one who performed on Broadway. More than once, it's been the one who could make us all laugh, even when not much seemed laughable. Very often, it's been the kid who cleaned the kitchen or did the laundry without being asked. Or the one with the best sarcastic comeback. Because we value that in our family. Probably too much.

Anyway, last week the coolest kid was my oldest--not just because she hung out with Mumford and Sons, Billy Idol and Elton John all in one weekend, but because she recognized and appreciated the absolute, drop everything, importance of such an opportunity. Furthermore, she immediately called me to report this Proud Mom moment and the kept me updated all weekend. She thanked me repeatedly that she grew up on good music--a lot of 80s rock, some 70s and 60s, classic stuff. Even classical stuff. A fair amount of Broadway and even some decent country.

So as my Cool Kid enjoyed the final moments of Elton John in concert, she struck up a conversation with a Cool Lady. She looked 30, but was actually 46. Exactly my age. The lady was immensely impressed with my Cool Kid's knowledge and appreciation of great music. I think my daughter's answer was something like, "Thank God my mom didn't fill our heads with stupid Brittany Spears bullshit." The Cool Lady approved. "I think I like your mom," she replied.

So there you have it. I have the approval of a Cool Lady hanging backstage with my daughter and Elton John. I'm not sure it gets much better than that.

Thursday, August 6, 2015

10 Reasons I'm Dreading Back to School

I want to be ready. I really do. But the answer is no on every single level. I am not ready for Back to School. I don't even feel like thinking about getting ready. All the television ads keep telling me I should be overjoyed to be send the kids back to school. There must be something wrong with me because I'm just not feeling it.

Top 10 Reasons I'm dreading Back to School:

10. We are not morning people. Even with a daily caffeine overdose, my brain doesn't work until at least 10:00 a.m.. During the school year, I'm out of bed a 5:30. Because I can't jump right out of bed like my mother who thought it was a great idea to start her children's day out blaring opera, I push snooze at least 5 times before I flop my lifeless body out from under the covers and slither to the shower like a dying snake. 5:30 a.m. in house full of night owls is ugly. Pure ugly.

9. Homework: Teachers assign too much of that crap. It's a ridiculously impossible mountain designed to produce panic attacks, fits of frustration, low self-esteem, temptation to cheat, and general FML pity parties. And that's just for the parents.

8. Lunch: The guilt associated with forgetting to load up the lunch account and hitting snooze so many times that you don't have time to pack a lunch and neither do they can drive a parent to drink.

7. Socks: From August to may, there is no such thing as a pair of matching socks. Is there anything that puts a nail in the coffin of your day before you even walk out the door like having to wear mismatched socks?

6. Math

5. Permission Slips: They are forever being lost in the black hole of the back pack. Is teaching your kids to forge your signature considered bad parenting?

4.Late Night Laundry:There must be an unwritten rule that whatever uniform or favorite jeans or spirit shirt my child needs for the next day won't be located until 10:30 at night in the bottom of a hamper.

3. Special Project Supplies: I guess it's not that big of a deal that I'm doing laundry in the middle of the night because I am probably going to have to run to Walmart anyway for the special sized poster board and e colored marker that no one told me they needed until after we located the favorite jeans in the bottom of the hamper.

2. Young Love: Teenage boys are cruel and teenage girls are crazy.

1. And the number 1 reason I'm dread Back To School this year--My youngest two have only two years left. I can't bear the thought of all of my babies leaving home. What on earth will I do at 10:30 on a Wednesday night with no socks to match, no uniform to wash, no markers to buy, no permission slips to sign, no heartbreak to mend, no homework to finish?

I can't believe it's almost over. It really did go by too fast.